Put It Off

That is what I have done. I have put off writing this blog. Seems like if I don't write about it then it has not happened. It is not real and I don't have to worry about it if I don't write it down. My doctor visit yesterday did not go as I had planned. Not as any woman would have planned. I knew 6 months ago that I have PCOS which pretty much means that I have cysts all over my ovaries and uterus. I knew that. Having about a dozen or so did not really surprise me. I knew that was coming. That is what happens with PCOS.
I have known for the last 3-4 months that something else has been wrong. Something much different than has never happened to me before. My last menstrual cycle was accompanied by migraines, moods bungees, worse than contraction cramps and in 8 hours I used 15 super absorbancy tampons. It has been like this for the past 3-4 months.
The doctor wanted to do the ultrasound. That seemed really strange to me. That alone made me super nervous about going in yesterday.
Well, I found out why. The cysts, I was aware of. The fibroids, I did not know about. I have several ranging in size from 2mm to 6x5cm. Yes, 5cm by 6cm. That is pretty big. My uterus was also measured. It is 6cm by 10cm. That means that this fibroid is half the size of my uterus. Turns out this one is growing from the top down inside of my uterus.
So this disqualifies me from having the ablation that I was looking forward to. However, it does make me a really good candidate for a hysterectomy. Because of the fibroid location and size it cannot be removed with removing my uterus. Add in the fact that it has grown to this size in just 6 months also.
TON OF BRICKS
To me this was a much different outcome than needing an ablation. I was expecting the outcome and the possible results of an ablation. Now I have to have surgery. My doctor said at the most even with laproscopic surgery that would be in the hospital for 2 days. Away from my husband and sons for two days.
I am not sure what I think or how I feel about this. I know that it will not bother me not to have anymore children. Jason had a vasectomy when I was 6 months pregnant with Jonathan. So there were not going to be anymore kids anyway. That is not an issue. Whenever I think about having this done I start to tear up, and I am not sure why. I don't think I have had time to sit down and think about how this will effect me and my family.
I know that I do cherish the children that I have and the lives that they have.

I just don't know...



Fibroids as described by the Mayo Clinic

Definition

By Mayo Clinic staff

Fibroid locations

Uterine fibroids are noncancerous growths of the uterus that often appear during your childbearing years. Also called fibromyomas, leiomyomas or myomas, uterine fibroids aren't associated with an increased risk of uterine cancer and almost never develop into cancer.
As many as 3 out of 4 women have uterine fibroids sometime during their lives, but most are unaware of them because they often cause no symptoms. Your doctor may discover fibroids incidentally during a pelvic exam or prenatal ultrasound.
In general, uterine fibroids seldom require treatment. Medical therapy and surgical procedures can shrink or remove fibroids if you have discomfort or troublesome symptoms. Rarely, fibroids can require emergency treatment if they cause sudden, sharp pelvic pain or profuse menstrual bleeding.