So Many Things

A lot of things have been happening. Where do I even begin? Well, I had a total laproscopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy on September 20th. I also had my gallbladder removed at the same time. The surgery took a lot longer that it should have. Only supposed to be 3 hours, more like 5 hours. Yay!! Reason for that was when I had my C-section with Jonathan my uterus never shrank back and it attached itself to my abdominal wall and it remained enlarged. So my uterus was 3x the normal size. My parents moved back here on the 14th of September. Which was supposed to be a good thing, but I will save that for a separate post. I need to have a blood transfusion, I lost a lot of blood during surgery and I needed 2 units. I stayed in the hospital until the 24th and was finally able to go home. Very sore and very tired.
I was taking a nap and I started feeling warm water flowing over me in a dream like state. It sort iof woke me up a little and I realized it was not a dream and I was flowing blood from my vagina. That was not supposed to be happening. Until this point I had only a light pink barely there discharge. Called my on-call doctor right away. We were told to wait and come in to see my doctor in the morning. We did that and she said to come in and see here NOW. She did and exam and could not see where the blood was coming from. So she sent me back to the hospital for observations. Yippee! I only managed to stay 4 hours instead of the 24 hours my doctor wanted. Reason, we live 2 hours from the hospital, no money for more gas or any other ride there. So my blood count stayed good, it only went down one point. So she let me go home on the promise that I will be super careful. I promised.
10 days later I felt a rip after I sneezed. I did not think anything of it as I was still laying in bed. I got up to tinkle and a HUGE blood clot fell out of me. And they kept on coming out. I wold cough, sit , stand, yell, anything and they would just fall out. Called the doctor, she told me to head to the hospital. Went in the ER, they got me back into a room. Doc came in and she did an exam. Said I tore a great big hole in my stitched cuff. She said that she needed to go back in and sew me back up. So they sent me upstairs to a room and told me they would do the operation at about 7am. Fine with that. I went to sleep and Jason took Jonathan home. Nurses came and went all night. My OR nurse came and got me about 7:30am and wheeled me away. I was told this was going to be so easy, that it would be over in just 30 minutes. Sigh, awesome. More sleep. lol. Next thing I know, I wake up and it is 4:30pm and my husband is on his way to see me. Turns out, I had been torn completely open and my skin just kept tearing and tearing everywhere she would put the needle. Also, turns out I woke up two times and they had to put me back out. Thank goodness I don't remember that!!
The next evening I was even still bleeding. My doctor came in and check me out and she said I would have to be packed over night. O.O She put about 3 feet of of cheese cloth like gauze in my hooha! that was not actually too bad. As long s I did not sit straight up. She came in the next morning and removed it. The bleeding slowed and finally I was able to go home the next day. Doctor ordered bed rest. No getting up for anything. I could only get up to got potty. On the 24th of October I saw her for a check up. All looks good and I barely have a discharge. In 3 more weeks I go back to see about starting my 'wifely duties' back as she called it. lol :D I guess I will let you know how it goes from then.
I am doing good now. I had to get a better medicine for sleeping. 

TLAVH

Go in to see my doc today for my post-op. I had my hysterectomy on the 20th and my gallbladder removed at the same time. I have a TLAVH, was able to keep my ovaries. Due to a high white blood count, a low red blood count, fast heart beat, high blood pressure, and dizziness I was to stay in the hospital and receive 2 units of blood and other medications. I came home on the 23rd. At 1am on the 27th I started bleeding pretty good. 7 pads in 8 hours. My on-call told me to rest and come in to see my doctor in the morning. Went over to her office and she check me back into the hospital. I stayed under observation for about 5 hours. I begged to go home. Doctor finally released me on the condition that I stay in bed and get up only to pee. And I am not to lift anything heavier than a water bottle. Well, I go to see her at 1:30pm and the bleeding has not stopped. I has slowed a great deal. Only 2 pads a day now. Funny thing is, I was scheduled to start my last period the same day as my surgery. Now it looks as if surgery only delayed it by a week! lol :/

My son

I love him so much. Michael is becoming quite the little man. His imagination is so wide and vast and deep. He is watching Tinkerbell: The Great Fairy Rescue. The part where the little girl is made to fly by Tink. He comes over to me and says I wish I could fly. But I don't have wings. Can you get me some wings? I love him.

Too Much Coffee

These are the ways to know when you have been drinking too much coffee.
Though, I am not really sure there is such a thing.
I thought that this was funny and that I would share it.

1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
3. The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
4. You ski uphill.
5. You get a tax cut for all the coffee you have bought.
6. You get a speeding ticket even when parked.
7. You speed walk in your sleep
8. You have a bumper sticker that says "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
9.  You have not blinked since the last lunar eclispe
10. You just completed a sweater and you don't know how to knit.
11. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
12. A nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
13. You sleep with you eyes open.
14. You open you dish cabinet and there are only mugs.
15. You watch videos in fast forward.
16. The only time you are standing still is during an earthquake.

For A While Now

   Even as a child I did not feel comfortable in a church. I used to find all sorts reasons not to go to church on Sunday morning. From anything to a stomach ache to a headache to I could not sleep. Anything that would get me out of church was a good idea to try. When I started getting older, I began reading the Bible. Mostly to see what all this crap I kept hearing was about. Some things made sense, if you lived several hundred years ago. Some things made me ask questions. I honestly asked these questions in the way a a blooming curious adolescent would ask. Some where with the sarcasm that I have since sharpened. Some were asked with mistrust. None of my questions were answered to my satisfaction. Meaning they did not mesh with things that I had read in the Bible as well as in history books.
   My Granny was a Sunday school teacher, but she was also a science teacher in the public school system. To me that meant she taught Creationism on the weekends and Evolution during the week. How could she do this? I asked her. She told me it was easy, she believed in both. How could this possibly be? She explained that to her both made absolute sense to her and who was she to argue with things that had been researched and determined to be true. How could both be true? Well, she smiled at me, It depends on who you ask. While that made a great deal of sense to me, it still did not answer my questions.
   I went on to look to my other influencing elders that I had contact with. It turns out that I got a whole lot of 'you should just accept it because it was written in the Bible.' WHAT?!? No. These were educated people, people of religious bearing. They did and wanted me to follow blindly, unquestioning like a sheep? How could I do that when my own mother helped to teach me to question everything? As very small children we are taught to look for things. Mommy hides your favorite toy behind a blanket. You know it is still there, and you can hold it and touch it, but it was there all along.
   As I grew and so did my questions. That the 'holy trinity' existed in so many religions. That satyrs are mentioned in the Bible, yet are a mythical and very Pagan being. That there are even unicorns in the Bible. The Bible is supposed to be THE infallible word of God. How can these things be? I have sent many a preachers sputtering back to their offices. The word unicorn appears many times in the Bible. King James Version of the Bible (Num. 23:22; 24:8; Dt. 33:17; Job 39:9-10; Psa. 22:21; 29:6; 92:10; Isa. 34:7). Nine times, as a matter of fact. In the Old Testament alone the word satyrs if found 52 times. How can this be, when mythology tells us that a satyr is a half man, half goat companion to Bacchus, the God of wine and merriment? What was his companions doing in the Bible? King James Version (Isa. 13:21; 34:14) (Lev. 17:7; 2 Chron. 11:15 — KJV) (see ESV — 2 Chron. 11:15) The latter one is where it actually signifies a pagan god that takes the form of a goat. And even if that were not enough there are even cockatrice in the Bible!
A cockatrice is a legendary creature, resembling a large rooster with a lizard-like tail, the cockatrice has wings. It was supposed to be born from an egg laid by a cock and incubated by a toad or snake. It is supposed to be able to turn you to stone.Found in four places in the KJV Isa. 11, 14, 59 and Jer. 8. And what sort of animal is or was the Leviathan? Why have we not found the fossils of these things? If they truly did exist and we should believe blindly.
  I was 12 years old when my Grandaddy died. And that shook my world. He was my rock, my center of being, my light. And suddenly that was gone. What made it worse was that I told a close friend that year was that he would barely make it until Christmas and we would be luck for him to make it to the new year. He died on December 31st at 10:30pm. Just one and a half hours before the new year. at first I felt like I had condemned him to this. I said it and it was true. I took him away from my family.
    I felt like the version of God I knew had betrayed me, hurt me. He was supposed to be all knowing, all loving and all forgiving. Right? Well how could he have caused me so much pain? Cut my heart from my chest? After his death I was on very shaky Christian ground. We got some new students at my school that year. A girl my age and a boy a couple years older than me. His name was Kristopher. Her name was Krystal. They were my best friends for a while. He became my boyfriend. There was a book in her backpack one day that was titled Wicca 101. I pulled it out and was hooked. That year we left my home. We moved to Oklahoma from South Carolina.

   So, now I knew the kind of people that I was looking for. I needed these people to be my friends. They are the ones that spoke to my soul. I found them. They were my best-est of friends for a very long time, and most of them still are almost 13 years later. One in particular I fell in love with. He taught me so much of Paganism and how to be a better me and how to be true to me. Granted I also gain a great deal of bad habits, yet I learned to be me. Another move and separation from these people. And another move and another. I finally went to nine different high schools and it took me forever to make friends. After a while I just quit trying and if someone came to me great, if not... I got books and joined online forums and became very depressed that I could not find what I needed. I would occasionally go to a Sabbat or a ritual that I had heard about in my area. But I never seemed to really belong. And this I long for. I feel like I need this. That a group is where I belong. I think that maybe I have been solitary for too long now. 
   And now that brings me to today. I have this strong urge to find my God and Goddess. I need a figure there to talk to. Over the years no one God or Goddess has ever spoken to me or pulled at my soul. I have heard how others have found theirs. Mine still seems to be eluding me. I have started doing research again, trying to fine that one. Maybe something will happen, maybe not, but it is worth looking to me. Hey, who knows it could be like my meeting my husband. We were on three of the same singles site at the same time and we were never matched. But we still found each other.

   
  

Mealtime Blessings

A Simple Thanks

Lord and Lady, watch over us,
and bless us as we eat.
Bless this food, this bounty of earth,
we thank you, so mote it be

A Prayer to the Earth - Mealtime Blessing

Corn and grain, meat and milk,
upon my table before me.
Gifts of life, bringing sustenance and strength,
I am grateful for all I have.

Celebrating Meat

Hail! Hail! The hunt has ended,
and meat is on the table!
We honor the deer* who feeds us tonight,
may his spirit live within us!
*Note - feel free to substitute other appropriate animals here as necessary.

Invitation to the Gods

I set a place at my table for the gods,
and ask them to join me here tonight.
My home is always open to you,
and my heart is open as well.

Offerings

In ancient Rome, it was common to leave a bit of your food on the altar for your household deities. If you would like to do this at your meal, you could use the following prayer:

This meal is the work of many hands,
and I offer you a share.
Holy ones, accept my gift,
and upon my hearth, leave your blessings.

Dance, Lady, Dance

Dance, Lady, dance on the Oak King's tomb,
Where he lies half a year in thy quiet womb

Dance, Lady, dance at the Holly King's birth,
Who has slain his twin for the love of the Earth.

Dance, Lady, dance to the Sun God's power
And his touch of gold on field & flower.

Dance, Lady, dance with thy blade in hand,
That shall summon the Sun to bless thy land

Dance, Lady, dance in the Silver Wheel,
Where the Oak King rests, his wounds to heal

Dance, Lady, dance for the Holly Kings reign,
Till his brother the Oak shall rise again

Dance, Lady, dance in the moonlit sky
To the Threefold Name men know thee by

Dance, Lady, dance on the turning Earth
For the Birth that is Death & the Death that is Birth

Dance, Lady, dance to the Sun on high
For his burning splendour, too, must die

Dance, Lady, dance to the year's long tide,
For through all change must then abide

-Author unknown

Butt Prints In The Sand

Butt Prints In The Sand

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of the Goddess they were,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked Her, "What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat,
But much too big to be from feet"

"My child," She said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

Author -Unknown

Some Days

Some days I wish things cold be different. Today is one of those days. Jason has gone to take a quick nap and my sons are making me crazy. I am now in so much pain from yelling at them and picking them up. I could scream. My side hurts so bad and so do my lady bits. Thankfully, it is nearly time for my hell to be over. Going to wake my husband up in a bit. He has pain meds now, so he can't really complain. I, however, have not been able to convince a doctor that I hurt. Funny, how they all agree that I need surgery, but not that I need pain meds. Yup. Just getting the surgery so the doctors can have practice, I guess. Not because they would be life saving, life changing, and finally rid me of this pain I have had for months now.
Now I am off to wake up my husband so I can lay down for a bit.

Some Of My Favorites!

Nature Creeping In

This is what my husband found in a box of glasses out in one of the sheds. They are just little brown bark scorpions. So no really big deal. They have about the same stinging power of a wasp or a bee. So that means they are a danger to me and my husband. Michael has been wasp stung before and showed no ill effects, but we don't know about little Jonathan yet. He has only ever been bitten by mosquitoes so far.

You can see it better in the top picture, but one of them has little tiny babies all over its back. I guess most animals in the wild kingdom are cute as babies. Because even the babies scorpions are cute. How is that even right? Anyway, I am just about about a creeped out as I get sitting here typing and they are crawling around in a container next to me. I think I am going to get my husband to go down the road to release them. I don't want them in my house sans the container!

Things To Be Done

I need something. I know the things that I need. I just have to wait for them. One of the things that I needed has happened. My husband has finally started getting the treatment that he has needed for so very long. He is now taking Lyrica and Tramadol. And these two medicines have made my husband the man he was when we got married. The happy, goofy, loving guy I married has come back. He has now spent more quality time with our 3 year old son than he has in the last 2 years. He has only been taking this medicine for two days. I LOVE IT!!!!! I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK!!!!

I even felt like giving myself a hair cut the other day. I was pretty cool. My hair was getting kind of long and with several surgeries coming up, it needed to be a manageable length. I think that it probably needs to be refined a little bit, but overall it is pretty cute.

It seems to me though that I am missing out on some things. It is almost as if I am sitting back and watching a movie about my life. Like all I am doing is watching. I am in so much pain now that it hurts to even sit up for a long time. I can't hardly wait for my surgeries to be over with. Turns out I am going to be getting my hysterectomy and my gallbladder removal done at the same time!!! Yay!! That means I only have to go to the hospital once!!!! And I get to do the recovery all at once. My mom is going to come down just before and and stay for just a little bit (I hope) and then she will take Michael back with her. 
My husband seems to think that he can handle just Jonathan and me for a little while. Not sure yet how long my big guy will be gone. I do know that I am going to miss him something fierce. I do know that it is for the best as I am not even supposed to get out of bed for the first two weeks.
Well, the good news about that is that I will have ample time to work on my book. I will certainly have no excuses not to get some pages done.

Tonight is a full moon and a very beautiful one at that. I wish that it were cool enough to spend a longer time outside. But it has been so hot and dry that it even looks like fall. Dead grass and dying trees. We have not had any measurable rain in about 17 weeks now. It is now officially the worst drought that Texas has ever seen. Yay!!! ~Drips with sarcasm~

I had to go to the doctor a few days ago to get some medicine for sleep. I have not been sleeping very well. We would put the boys down between 9 and 10 pm and then we would lay down around midnight. I would lay there until about 3-4-5-6am before finally falling asleep. Like I can't get my mind to shut off. Anyway, my doctor gave me some nice pills for that. They work great! I have been sleeping like, well, just sleeping really well.
And now it is time for me to go and do just that.
Goodnight.
Blessed Be.
Bright Blessings
)O(

Signs That You May Be a Redneck Pagan

A test that never occurred to Jeff Foxworthy

Ya know, with so many city folk moving to the country, and the old ways spreading into every corner of America, can it be too long before every segment of American society is represented in the Pagan community? Will we someday see Redneck Pagans?

Here are some signs that you, yourself, may be a Redneck Pagan...

If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube top...
If you think a "family tradition" is a dating club...
If you've reached the 3rd degree but not the 3rd grade...
If your coven's secret names for the God and Goddess are "Cooter" and "Sweet Cheeks"...
...you may be a Redneck Pagan.
If your ceremonial chalice says "Budweiser" on it...
If chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb...
If your circle dance includes the words "dosey-do"...
If your altar pentacle is a photo of John Wayne's star on the Hollywood "Walk Of Fame"...
...you may be a Redneck Pagan.
Now if your coven chose it's High Priest at a belching contest...
If they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt night...
If your anointing oil smells like "Old Spice"...
If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg...
...you might just be a Redneck Pagan.
If your outdoor circle has defunct washing machines for quarter altars...
If the cakes and wine are done with a bowie-knife, a can of Foster's and Little Debbie's...
If your pantheon includes Yukon Jack, Jim Beam, and the St. Pauli Girl...
...you just might be a Redneck Pagan.
If your ritual music has ever included Johnny Cash singing "Ring of Fire"...
If you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture...
If you believe a pentagram is a Western Union message to 5 people...
If your altar cloth says "Holiday Inn" or Howard Johnson's"...
...you just might be a Redneck Pagan.
If your Goddess picture says "Miss September" at the bottom...
Or your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis Presley...
If you have ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu...
If you have ever canceled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on TV.....
...you may be a Redneck Pagan.
If the Holy Wine comes in a mason jar ...
If the cakes and ale are beer and pretzels...
Or if you hold Esbats at Billy Bobs Bar and Grille...
...you might be a Redneck Pagan
And finally, if you have ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that resembled the Willendorf Goddess.....
Or if you have cast a love spell on livestock......
And if you bathe only eight times a year
....you are definitely a Redneck Pagan.