New Place, New Things

Passed out after a long day of school and play.

Michael took a cute picture of Jonathan.

Can you spot the six year old?

Wow, my life has be busy.
Well to start with. My dad got laid off of his job that he was working outside of Dallas.

8 Bit Mario blanket I an=m working on.

Him and Moma came home for a while to wait on the next job opening. Nothing unusual, been doing things like that for years. 

In June the new job opened. 

About two hours away, just east of Houston. Baytown, Texas to be exact.

Just about a month away from Michael's birthday in July, my parents left Milano and headed east. 

I did not realize until they next day how much I missed them.

So, I waited a month. 

Finally I got to go see them. I left Milano on June 28th.

I, honestly, don't ever want to go back.

I feel like myself.

I feel like the old me.

My children are happy.

Feeling like my old self again.

I am beginning to be happy.
I like it here.

Michael is in school and he loves it.

I am looking for a job.

Yes, there I times I feel extreme guilt and or sadness.

Guilt about my parents taking us in and taking care of us.

Sadness that my life is not what I pictured 10 years ago.

Guilt that I can't provide for my kids the way I want to.

Guilt that at this point in my parents lives they have to take care of their grown child and their grand kids.

Sadness that sometimes I think I will not be able to move beyond this.

Guilt that I feel like I am not doing enough.

I feel almost like I have thrust all my issues on my parents.

They say that they don't feel this way, but I can sometimes feel the tension.

We are now living in a nice 3 bedroom apartment. In the middle of this crazy town.

Instead of a 8 X 30 camper that is falling apart in the middle of the woods.

I still have to go back to Milano to get a lot of stuff. There is so much I left behind.

Only, two weekends ago, I discovered I cant go alone.

I went to get my bed and the boys beds and our clothes and some other things.

I went alone. Big mistake.

I can't be there alone. There is still too much in my head.

The guilt of a broken marriage, unhappy children and a controlling spouse. Just some of the memories that live within those walls. And it was all right there waiting for me. Things I thought I had dealt with came rearing back up and invaded even my sleep the night I spent alone there. I called my Mom at about eight o'clock in the morning.

Crying, I said " I can't do this"

She said, "it is okay. We will be there in a couple hours."

I don't think I have even been happier to see my parents in my life.

I don't ever want to go there again. At least not alone.

I have so much more stuff to get. Decorations, winter clothes, yarn, sewing machine, material, the list goes on and on.

Something lurking in my closet...

And my truck is still there. I need it so I can really find work. I am thinking of getting my Dad to go home with me for a day trip to get the rest of our stuff.