Stolen from Wikked Wit

01. Real First Name:
Mommy or Jess
02. Birthday:
In February
03. Where do you live:
Apartment
04: What are you studying/What are you working as:
A mommy that tries to get more then 3 hours of sleep.
05. What makes you happy:
My children, True Blood, My husband
06. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
My 2 year old saying bye before going to Grandma's house
07. What is particularly good/bad about your blog:
It would seem that no on looks at it
08. An interesting fact about you:
I want a wife
09. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
I am in love with my 3 guys!
10. Favorite place to be:
Sitting at home on a cold winter night.
11. Favorite lyric:
Its a dirty free for all - Ke$ha
12. Best time of the year:
Fall/Winter
13. Weirdest food you like: 
Dill pickle spears wrapped in ham

RECOMMEND
01. A film:
The Time Travelers Wife
02. A book: 
Anything written by Laurell K. Hamilton
03. A song:
I like it - Pittbull
04: A band:
Zac Brown Band

PLUS
01. One thing you like about a blogger that you have not met:
Her ability to be totally frank.
02. Two things you like about yourself:
My eyes and my boobs
03. Name three things that you need in a lover:   
time, love and tenderness. lol 

Five year plan

My husband told me his five year plan last night as we were laying in bed talking. Yes, just talking. lol He has got the next several years planned out.

Graduate from school. Hopefully on time.
Find a industrial job. Go to it and start working as a welder. Job will likely be in Texas. We are both really partial to Texas. It is where we got married and where our oldest was born.
Find a small apartment. Me and the boys move to where he is.
Save LOTS of money to buy a large 5th wheel camper. Move into it.
Move around the country following the industrial jobs and shutdowns.
Once again, save LOT of money.
Buy a house. Work a local job. Be happy grow old together.

Sounds like like a really great plan to me except one thing. I asked him where does he see me in his five year plan? He said right next to me. Standing with me, by my side. That is great. I love this plan.

Except...
He knows that I want to go to school. I can't go to school moving every six months or so. So I thought about it. Why not wait until  we buy a house and settle down for good? Well, my problem with that is, I will be 32 years old in about 5 years. In my opinion that is too old to start over. I may have a different opinion then, but right now that is what I think.

So tired...

Not sure about today. I was kind of odd for me.

I woke up this morning just after Jason left to go to school. I think it was the door closing that woke me. I am not sure. It was weird. I kept hearing this voice in the back of my head saying do the laundry, do the laundry. I kept telling it in just a minute. I went and loaded up the dishwasher and washed what would not fit. The whole time that little voice was irritating the hell out of me. I set out the stuff to start supper later and there is the voice again. I sat down and wrote a couple letter, yes actual letters, in the mail kind. lol The voice was there. I was playing in the floor with my son and the voice was there too. Maybe I should do the laundry, huh? Nope totally forgot it! I remembered to start it about thirty minutes before Jason got home from school. Oops. And now the dryer has just finished drying its last load. Finally. My fault , I know. Oh well. I made country fried steak and mashed potatoes with black-eyed peas for supper. Yummy. White gravy that I made was kind of gross. I am going to try to make Swedish meatballs for supper tomorrow night.

I love my husband but sometimes he can make me a little crazy. I know that he is in school and loves what he is doing, but sometimes I just want to go shhhhhhhhhsh. lol Who does not feel that way about their spouse at one time or another?

He knows I love him.

I feel kind of strange today. Like something is about to happen. Like I am missing some kind of key signs. Cooking supper I kept getting hot/cold sweats and the shakes. I don't know what is going on, but I hope it comes to a head soon. Good or bad. Lets just get this over with.

Movies...

I went through my DVR and looked at upcoming movies on HBO and Starz. Found some movies I would like to see and some I would like to see again. Let me know if you have seen any of these, and what you think about them.

The Time Traveler's Wife - Seen it, love it, want to watch it again.

G-Force - Want to see it.

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron - Seen it, I think my 2 year old will love it.

Bolt - Seen it, my husband loves this movie.

Where the Wild Things Are - Loved the book when I was little, now it is a movie. Have to see it.

The Mistress of Spices - Sounds really great.

My Life In Ruins - I think this will be great, sappy and funny. Love it.

What to do???

Almost 1pm and I am almost totally bored. Jonathan has had his lunch and is now falling asleep in his swing. I am eating some leftover spaghetti form last night. Really good, pats self on back. I am kind of waiting on my mother-in-law to come by. She was supposed to bringing some stuff today. I am almost out of bottled water right now. I need to go to the store. Water out of the tap here is gross, it has stuff floating in it. Yuck!!

I wish they made baby swings in adult sizes. It looks so comfy.

How To Be Alone

Just
found
this.
I think is is wonderful

Wow, just wow.

Just spoke to my mom. She got all butt hurt over my post earlier today. Yes, she is the one who did all of that to me. Then she has the nerve to say, well you did not pay the bills when I left and you quit your school. For the record, I did not quit my school. I was working very hard at my job at the time. My grades did drop. But I remained in school. It was myself and my sister living there. She was working full time also. All the bills seemed to fall on me. I can't remember her paying one bill. And she would bitch at me for making her help with the groceries. I continued to go to school until they would not let me anymore. I wanted it so badly. When I shot down those excuses for it all, she came up with oh your Daddy was not making as much money at his new job. Bullshit! I know for a fact that he was making the same amount per hour and he was getting per Diem then. And then she had nothing else to say to me.

Right now though, I am listening to my husband read to our oldest son, Michael. He is going to bed. It did make my day better when my youngest son Jonathan smiled at me and laughed when I changed his outfit. Makes my days better when Michael comes home from daycare and says hi, Mommy. Makes everything better when My husband comes in the kitchen and steals a hug and a kiss while I am cooking dinner. If nothing else I will be the absolute best mom and wife that I can be.

Back again

Okay. After several hours I have logged back on. I went and laid down, fully intending on going to sleep. I laid there looking at the ceiling and listening to the radio. Shortly Jonathan woke up and I listened to him playing in his crib. Now he is fed and happily playing on the floor next to me. I look at him or at Michael and I want to be here. I don't want to miss a minute of either of them. I want to go to school. I don't see how I can have both. I want both. So many men and women have both. I want both. I hope that someday I do have both.

My children make me strong. I want to be strong.

I know

I know it is 10am. I know that I am tired. I did not go to sleep until after 3am and I was awake at 7am. Michael had to go off to daycare and Jason had to go off to school. Jonathan is not yet awake and I am not going to wake him up. I believe that if he is still asleep then he must need the sleep. I am considering going back to bed myself. At least for a couple hours.I am just hurting. Deep inside, you know. Where no amount of cuddles or hugs or any other warm fuzzies will help. I just don't know what to do.

27 year old women should not cry after 10pm.

Really. It does horrible things to you face. The next morning when you wake up your eyes will be all crusty and swollen. And it made my throat hurt worse. The reason I was crying after 10pm? It was the only time I had to do it alone yesterday. I was planning on going back to school in January. I was going to be taking an LPN class schedule. I was finally going to do what I have been wanting to do for several years now. I finally got the courage to go back to school. Got a whole lot of my paper work done. I qualified for Pell for the first time ever. It was going to be great. I could see myself and my family several years down the road with me still being a nurse. It was going to be great. Hard, but great! I got an email yesterday afternoon. It said that I had unpaid government loans that I HAVE to pay before I can receive my Pell. $13,000!!! I was in college in 2005. I have 27 credit hours towards a BA in criminal justice. Justice, ironic huh? I was not able to complete. I had a deal with someone. It was, I go to school, keep my average up and work a full time job and they would pay my $150 a month tuition. Really good deal? I thought so. At least until I was handed all of my paper work and told I was going to have to take care of it from now on. That was even not so bad. I thought. Until I called the school to pay for my next month of classes. Only to be told that I have been withdrawn due to non-payment. What do you mean, I am paying a week early? No, your tuition has not been paid in almost 4 months. 4 MONTHS!!! This was a shock to me. So now $13,000 stand sin the way of me going to a $2,000 school. Everything that I have dreamed of for the last month and a half, all gone. Washed away by a terrible email. Now I don't know what I am going to do. I have resolved myself to know that if all I will ever be is a wife and a mother then I am going to be the BEST on ever.

And a reminder: 27 year old women should not cry after 10pm.